Monday, June 13, 2005

Land of the Bizarre

One thing that always perplexed me when I’d be out in Boston in the middle of the winter was the homeless people. WHY are you hanging around in this freezing cold misery? If you have no other commitments, why not start walking and migrate south? Turns out, they do. They come in droves to Phoenix and Tucson and hang out at parks. Not such a bad deal for them, really. Anyway, I was in Tucson over the weekend and heard some crazy stories about homeless people that live there and just bizarre people in general.
1. The Scary Guy. Yes, that’s really his name: he legally changed it. The Scary Guy is covered from head to toe with tatts and piercings and used to do a lot of drugs. Now, he has reformed and goes around to schools speaking out against doing drugs. Much more effective than the “this is your brain on drugs” commercials!
2. Penny Man. This guy has glued pennies that cover the surface of his car and also has a penny covered outfit. How fetching!
3. God (see above picture). That’s right, God…also a legal name change. God has a bar called the Meet Rack where all the ladies are given roses upon entering, free cigarettes are offered, you can be BRANDED and get 75 cents off drinks for life (what a steal!!!), and there are sex rooms in the back with gynecologist chairs. And best of all…if you buy a condom in the ladies’ room, bells and whistles and lights go off to let everybody know that you’re planning to get some. We tried to go on Sunday to see this place, but duh…God takes Sundays off. I did, however, get to see his parking space marked “God.” I wonder what kind of car God drives?
So if you’d like to meet these champs, come on down to Tucson, AZ, the Land of the Bizarre.
sounds like goodtimes...i can't wait to visit!
oh yeah, i tried to call you back a few weeks ago, but you weren't me! let's chat! YEAH!
i feel you , jenny, on the homeless heading south and also a little west. we have quite the homeless population here in santa monica. who wouldn't want blue skies, sun, palm trees, and public restrooms with showers in it.

the real sad thing, is that i think over fifty percent of the homeless in los angeles county, are vietnam veterans. way to turn your back on those who fought for your country, usa! *in my best howard dean scream* wooooooo!
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