Friday, April 08, 2005

Tell Me Once Again, Who's Bad?

Now, I haven’t been paying too much attention to the Michael Jackson trial and accompanying media circus, but as a mild and lazy headline writer myself, I noticed the glaring lack of awesome and puntasic headlines in relation to the trial. I mean, when a guy on trial for child molestation has song titles like ‘Dangerous,’ ‘Smooth Criminal’ and ‘Pretty Young Thing’ (heh), don’t you think we’d see some inspired headlines splashed across the tabloids? And when E! is broadcasting daily dramatizations of trial proceedings complete with an MJ impersonator, I don’t anyone can play the ‘respect for a fallen idol’ card. Let’s face it. Even though ’Wacko Jacko’ is pretty damn disrespectful, it’s also totally played and not even that original in the first place (Ooooh it rhymes!). It’s time for some new eyecatchers.

It’s not hard, copy editors! MJ’s entire catalog is ripe for the picking. I came up with these in about five minutes, so I’m sure these can be easily improved upon by anyone slightly clever:
Felony Complaint shows Neverland Guests ‘Wanna be Startin’ Something’
‘Remember the Time’ Jackson was creepily obsessed with Maculay Culkin?
‘Dirty Diana’ Ross Expected to Testify Next Week
Neverland Ranch raided; Stacks of pornography found ‘In the Closet’
Jackson Claims He and Children ‘Just Good Friends’
Jackson to Underage Neverland Guests: “’Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough’ Jesus Juice”
‘Do You Remember the Time’ Jackson Faced Similar Charges in 93?
Jackson’s Tendencies All Part of ‘Human Nature’ Says Attorney
Accuser to Jackson: ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’ is Totally Inappropriate
Jackson’s Huge Pornography Collection Taken ‘Off the Wall,’ Used as Evidence in Criminal Trial
Jackson to media: ‘Leave Me Alone’

You know there are endless possibilities with ‘Beat It,’ but I’m not going to even go there.

Related: Bid on the rare Michael Jackson Boy Scouts of America poster pictured above here. (Link and image via All Things Christie.)
Where do you come with this shit? I would love to spend a day in your brain! Ali, you are funny.
What? No "Jackson accused of trying to 'Free Willy (Theme from Free Willy 2)'"???

Also, that poster is bad, I know it.
Jackson: Started with the 'Boy in the Mirror,' Asked Him to 'Change His Pants'

(The mirror above his bed, that is.)
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