Monday, April 18, 2005

Kiss the ring and watch my damn show!

Upon hearing news reports that Oprah and Steadman are finally maybe calling it ovah, my suspicion-o-meter starting pinging. Hmm, why did they break it off right now? Could it be Oprah wants to be single so she doesn't miss out on her once-in-a-lifetime chance to become Poprah Winfrey? Forget president, I can see it now. She relocates from the tip top of the Water Tower in Chicago to the Vatican, where she hosts her show for the entire tiny city. Her new book club top pick? The Bible, of course. Poprah's Favorite Things? Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. Oh yeah, and these super cool X-treme Jesus T-shirts, because nothing expresses the love Christianity is supposed to embody better than wearing a hoodie embalzoned with the phrase "My God can kick your god's butt."

I'd say we're all going to hell in a handbasket, but sometimes I think we're already there.

On a completely unrelated note, I have a question. Am I the only person who feels compelled to chain chew a pack of gum? It's like whenever I get my hands on a Plen-T-Pak, you can rest assured I'll have all 17 sticks in my mouth in a few hours. Doesn't a pack of gum last most normal people a week or something? Just wondering.
Ok...first of all, I swallow Juicy Fruit. Second, lets not leave out Oprah's Hell Baby, Dr. Phool. I hate that fat fuck. "Well, the reason you're crying is because you're sad. And you're fat because you eat too much." Thanks Hell Baby. Cobra Winfrey for Pope.
I'll be honest- I watch Oprah- not because I really like it, but because I am fascinated by the way the audience and her guests treat her. You can tell that the celebrity guests jock her in order to get on the show to help make them uber popular- because every thing/person Oprah loves turns into money for someone. It's so disturbing to see middle aged women looking to her for all the answers- how to dress, feel about life, cut their hair, etc.
Alison--let me explain to you the issue I have come up against in the past few weeks. I realized that the kitchen at work has an unending supply of dentine ice packs in a bottom cabinet. so everyday i think i chew a whole pack with my partner at my desk. i have to throw it away every few hours when i have a snack from my drawer but then when im done a pop another two pieces in my mouth. its so good! and better, it's free!!!! its really bad and i think my jaw is already giving out but hey. my breath is real good.
Damn... your image ganking just got slapped by the swift hand of justice.

Don't you hate how they're making it hard to steal other people's bandwidth?
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