Friday, February 11, 2005

Top 5 Ways to Spread the News that You're Knocked Up



Not that I am. But everyone around me seems to be having babies or talking about having them, and I seem to be dreaming about them, so I thought it would be funny to think of alternative ways of letting your partner know.

5. Visit baby websites on the computer and then "accidentally" leave the window open.
4. Ask your sig other to pick up a few books for you. Include "Hott Names for Your Baby" and other baby-related literature on the list.
3. Buy a bassinet and set it up in your bedroom. Include a doll for added effect.
2. When you're out at the bar and your sig other asks what you want to drink, say "I better just have a soda!" while rubbing your belly. This could also be an excellent way to break the news to friends.
1. Park in the "expectant mothers" spot at the grocery store. As your sig other starts to stop you and tell you you can't park there, give a sly wink and say, "Oh, but I can." I fully intend to use this one myself, but hopefully not for at least 5 years.


Comments:
whoa, you so totally want a bun in that oven! lookout, jon
 
that's what you think! i don't want a bun anywhere, but i have a serious fear of pregnancy and it haunts me in my dreams!
 
dang, jen, you got baby on the brain! maybe you should post the top five ways to avoid getting any action, aka, discussing pregnancy often with your partner :)
 
Ha, ha. That's funny, Jennie! Talk of babies doesn't exactly set the mood. Just remember, Jenny, having a baby is like shitting out a squirrel...then you get to keep it and have it suck at your teet.
 
teddy, you so nasty...and you know what, if i made the top 5 ways to avoid getting action, #1 would be a trip to wal-mart and seeing all the horrifying screaming kids everywhere. we went on sat. and there was this family w/ 4 kids, one of whom had this whistle she blew on the ENTIRE TIME they were at wal-mart. little assholes.
 
I've said it once and I'll say it again. Babies are aliens. They make weird noises, they have giagantic heads, huge eyes and they're bald. Plus, they cough up white shit. Stay away from babies.
 
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