Wednesday, February 02, 2005

To Tell or Not To Tell

Seeking Advice:

Picture this... a friend wants to tell a longtime crush that she is head over heels for him. The problem: he just got engaged. The fiance is not that great; apparently she pressured him into the engagement and he seems to be totally unexcited about it. So, said friend thinks that it is ok to confess her love because he does not seem to want to get married. She says that if he was happy about the nuptuals, she wouldn't say anything. He won't say that he does or does not want to get married, but he seems pretty uninterested. Other big hint: he didn't propose with a ring because he couldn't find one that was ON SALE.

The dilemma: tell him and face the possible and highly probable shit that will hit the fan, or live with the regret of never sharing your true feelings?

I can't decide. I'm leaning towards a lifetime of self-torture....because engagement is hopefully a pretty serious thing, ring or no ring.

Comments:
Are you, I mean "your friend" invited to the wedding (if there is to be one)?
 
it really is a friend-i'm married. i want to give her some good advice, but i can't make up my mind.

the wedding is not planned yet. they got engaged about a week ago.
 
If she does spill her guts, what does she expect to happen? Is he going to all of a sudden say, "You know, (said friend), I love you too but never expressed my feelings either. Why don't we get married instead?" I don't think so. Spilling her guts means losing a friend. Damn, I am like the best advice guy ever. And I do pitty the guy for getting dragged into the netherworld of marriage when he's not ready.
 
i have no clue who this is and it's driving me nuts!

I kind of agree with tubbymonkey, but I think there might be a way to slyly find out what his emotional status is. Could she, as a friend, just have a chat with him and say something like, "you know, marriage is a big step and something you ideally only want to do once. (Fiancee) seems really great, but as a friend, you don't seem all that jazzed about the impending nuptuals, and I want you to be as happy as possible. If you need to chat, I'm here."

If he has any feelings, he'll probably at least let on in a convo, but if she tells him how in luv she is, and he's not interested, there's a chance he'll tell the fiancee and your friend would be known forever as suzy homewrecker.
 
uh, "my best friend's wedding" anyone? yeah, the movie where julia roberts psychotically tries to get her bff to cancel his wedding to miss perfect (aka cammy diaz) and marry her.

well, it ends with him marrying cammy and everything is swell...i would take a hint from the movies. i think alison's advice is sweet: as a concerned friend she should make sure he is jazzed about his pending nuptuals. however, if he was interested in dating her, why isn't he? is seems that if the grass is greener, then he would switch pastures, you know? so i vote for lifetime of never-sharing. besdies, who wants to marry a dude who will only buy a ring if it's on sale?
 
i would ONLY marry a dude if he bought my ring on sale. i'm cheap like that.
 
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