Wednesday, January 12, 2005

What an embare-ass-ment!

So I just went to the ladies room here at the office and realized that my underwear is on inside-out. Despite being taught how to dress myself more than 20 years ago, this sort of thing happens more often than it should. Ever since I was a little kid I've had a problem with putting things on backwards and inside out. My mom would have to show me how if you put a shirt with the tag facing up on a bed or any surface in front of you, the tag would magically end up on your back. Despite this widsom, my dressing problems didn't end there. I remember going to kindergarten one day only to discover I had put on not one, but two pairs of underwear.

Being a five-year-old and running around with both Wednesday and Thursday across my ass is one thing, but I feel sort of lame kicking it in my "grownup" office with my underwear on inside-out. At least I've never put on an thong backwards or anything. Ouch! Speaking of, this whole grownup thing has kind of amplified my embarassing moments, and since I'm in a confessional mood, you're going to get to hear about it.

Like for example, how mature did I feel when I actually threw up at work a while back because I was so hungover? I wrote about it in my journal then, but I was too ashamed to shout it out to the world for obvious reasons. Here goes:

Today is not going so hot and let me tell you why. Last night, Mike and I went to the Crazy Horse and met up with Paul (that's Steph's husband) to have a few cocktails. So I had an assortment of mixed drinks and beer. When we went home (ugh, I can barely stand to write this) I decided we all should have a glass of white wine. I don't even like white wine so I was obviously off the rails. What was fun, however were the many, many Oreos I decided to eat. Mike busted out his records and I made us watch the opening scene of Dawn of the Dead on mute while listening to Crosby, Stills and Nash. There's nothing quite like listening to 'Our House' while a little zombie child chews the hell out of some poor guy's neck. I also made us watch the opening scene of Harold and Maude where he pretends to hang himself (this is my favorite movie ever). Geez, I'm kind of a bossy drunk, huh? (ed's note: I promise never to mention this movie again on the blog)

ANYWAY, so I decide to go to bed, but soon realize I'm going to throw up...and I literally did toss my cookies...and some Cap'n Crunch I ate earlier in the night. Now this was all in the little bathroom trashcan that Mike brought over for me to use. He hung out and held my hair back for me, bless him. So this morning I woke up feeling kind of shitty but ok. So I took a shower and got ready for work. As I was leaving I decided to take the liner out of the trashcan and put it in the dumpster. Because who wants vomited up Oreos kickin' it in their house? Not me. Well, apparently the bag had a leak in the bottom and all of his liquid barf dripped out and onto AND INTO my shoe ( not fancy Manolos, but $80 Kenneth Coles are no small change to me)! It was so disgusting. I obviously had to change shoes so I wouldn't be walking around my office with a pukey smelling foot.

I didn't think things could get worse but they did once I got to the office. I decided the first thing I needed was a 7-Up and some bready item to calm my still-queasy stomach, so I got a bagel. About 1/2 hour after eating it, I started to feel awful. I got some water but I could barely drink it I was so shaky and ill. This time I made it to the bathroom before chorking up the bagel. I can't believe I threw up at work because of a hangover. Like in an office setting with file cabinets and Dad-type guys slurping their coffee right outside the bathroom area. I don't think anyone know, but god I feel like an idiot. On the brighter side, my stomach does feel better now.

I do have some questions for myself though:
1. How did I get so barf-inducingly drunk from a few drinks spread out over a few hours? I don't drink a ton, but I shouldn't have thrown up from that. Hmmm, maybe the mixing? Or not eating much for dinner?
2. Why am I still here at work after the bagel incident? Why didn't I go home and crawl under my covers and watch some Litetime movie with my kitties? Because I'm a crazy masochist, I guess.
3. Why did I decide to go to McDonald's for lunch after all that? That's right, I hit up the golden arches about an hour ago and seem to be doing ok (knock on wood). I've heard that if you want to help a hangover, eat eggs and greasy food. Denny's takes to long so this was my only option.

So yeah it's pretty embarassing, but totally my fault. As was the little phone disaster I had last week. I'm working on a freelance article and I have to talk to a few people at record labels. This guy from Sub Pop was really cool and actually got back to me and give me an interview. Well, my phone has been having a few problems lately where it will beep and just randomly disconnect right as I'm saying hello. So I called the office and got this guy's secretary and she was all, "Hello, Sub Pop." Right then a voicemail came through on my phone. When this happens my phone makes the same beeping noise as above, so I automatically thought the call had disconnected. I of course yell out, "Goddammit!" and look back down at the phone to see that the call is still going on. Of course I did the mature thing and hung up on her only to have to call back and sheepishly apologize and get on with the interview. Ahh, professionalism is overrated.

Tell me I'm not the only one who acts like a spaz!

You're the only one.
Ali, You are NOT the only one, despite what Grant says. Just recently at an office party I drank a little too mcuh red wine and then when we were taking some pictures of the whole group (all women) like 10 people took pictures and then our office professional (secretary) said oh yeah take one with mine too...(mind you we had been standing in a group for like 10 min) and I yell out "Damn you Joanna!" In front of my whole office and their significant others. I mean the only thing I could do was laugh it off and say just kidding, when in my drunk mind I was all pissed for having to take another picture. See you aren't the only one!

Also, Paul says he is sorry you got sick that night.
oh, yeah...greasy food is the best when you are hung over!

i feel like a total tard because i cried at work today. for no reason, really...i just couldn't handle the stress of a 1st grader pooping his pants, a 6th grader the size of a house calling me a bitch as I physically had to keep him from running out of the school, and a belligerent mother who called me several choice names because I want to suspend her son!!
as far as i'm concened, there's no shame in the occasional hangover. keeps you young. but i know what you mean...i totally beat myself up whenever i have too much to drink and then feel like crap the next day (it usually lasts til like 4 or 5 PM!). and i definitely have found myself getting headaches/hangovers from drinking much more easily these days.
I do not think you are a spaz.
I almost put my underwear on backwards today.
Shannon, how odd. I was just going to comment on the time I shit myself in the 1st grade! It was right at the beginning of the day too. Rather than embarass myself and admit the slip, I dealt with it for the remainder of the day. Thaaats right. I did. I maintained my pride and viewed it as a way of punishing myself for such childish behavior. However, I admit that I likely punished everyone else around me that day as they were all forced to put up with my stanky, 1st grade ass.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?