Thursday, January 27, 2005

Chut Up, Chiquita!



I have serious nutritional issues, and I doubt I'll live to see 30 at the rate I'm going. Last night I was craving fruit, which my body probably really did want seeing as how I've been eating pretty much only pizza, beer and 100 Grand bars for the past few days. When you're like me and wake up about 20 minutes before you have to leave for work, breakfast doesn't seem to happen too often (which is sad because I've been a breakfast devotee most of my life). So then at lunch today I decided to answer my body's bidding and get.....a milkshake. I don't know what I was thinking, but there I was, driving to Steak N' Shake, rationalizing that a maraschino cherry counts as fruit. When I got there, I decided to do even better for myself and go ahead and go with the Banana Split Sippable Sundae. Bananas, strawberry topping and that chemical-coated cherry shall count as my fruit for the day (let's not lie here)...ok week probably. (It serves me right that as soon as I opened the lid, whipped cream, strawberry and ice cream oozed out of the cup and into my console and all over my sunglasses. Oh well; that's nothing compared to the McFlurry debacle of 2002.) I have poor decision making skills when it comes to food, and I don't foresee them getting any better. One day I'm going to have the fattest, most cavity-ridden kids because I'll give in to their every junk food whim since I secretly want to eat it too.

Here's how a typical dinner conversation will go:
FAT SON: Mooom, what's for dinner?
ME: How's cereal sound?
FAT DAUGHTER: No, I'm sick of cereal. That's all you ever feed us. Can't you, you know cook something for us.
ME: Sorry, don't know how. Besides, the oven's all full of mommy's shoes since she ran out of closet space.
FAT SON: How about we have Twinkie sushi?
ME: Sounds good. Call me when it's ready.


The sad part is, I really like fruit and I'll eat just about anything––healthy or not––someone puts in front of me (just not sauerkraut). I just hate to cook and I'm too lazy to go to the grocery store.

Sometimes I really worry that I'm going to get scurvy and die. Then I have a mimosa and it's all better.

By the way, I just checked and my underwear is on inside-out again.
Comments:
HEHE, Ali you are damn funny! I crave fruit at times too, thats when you know you haven't eaten any in a couple days/weeks.
 
Oh, the McFlurry debacle. That made me laugh. Those days were so full of bricks.

--Luke
 
Yeah, Luke? Well, you're no good for layin'.



Just kidding. You know I think you're daddyass.
 
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