Thursday, December 02, 2004

You Ain't Got No Alibi, You NASTY!!!


I am currently suffering through the last 13 days of living with my disgusting roommate and thought a complaint post is in order. If nothing else, it'll give me something to look back on and breathe a deep sigh of relief that it's all over (and appreciate my future living situations all the more). And for you guys...be glad it's not you.
Repulsive/unacceptable/unsanitary things my roommate does, or is doing RIGHT NOW:
1) Cutting his finger and toenails OVER THE CARPET. Sick! How hard is it to do this over a trashcan?!?! He claims that when he does this, he always vacuums right after. Riiiight. Since when do you EVER clean? And what about the richochet effect?
2) Leaving dishes in the sink for 2+ weeks, after BOTH Jon and I asked him to clean them...he even left them there when he went away for 5 days. (Note: said dishes are from making "special" brownies.)
3) Eating my food!!! While stoned off his ass, mind you, so the excuse is...he doesn't remember! It's a biiiig mystery how those snacks disappeared. Right.
4) Stealing my bag of canned food goods for a Thanksgiving food drive and then pretending to know nothing about this as well.
5) Getting pubes everywhere. I don't know how this is possible. Maybe he has naked time when Jon and I are at work? Ew. Even grosser to consider.
6) Breaking Jon's computer (most likely due to a virus obtained through a porn site)...and then mine a few weeks later (busted hard drive due to being dropped or overheated).
7) Keeping his hand down his pants the majority of the day...and then touching EVERYTHING from the remote, to pillows, to my (former) favorite blanket, to PUTTING AWAY CLEAN DISHES! SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8) Getting incredibly wasted and inviting creepy strangers into our apartment that we then have to find creative, non-offensive ways to get them the hell out.
9) Ruining my beautiful shower curtain by spilling bleach all over it and getting pissed when I request the $ to replace it.
10) Responding with "shitty" no matter where I tell him I'm off to. Note: I like my life! I don't mind going to class or even to work! Doing something other than sitting on the couch isn't shitty, it's a normal, and for me satisfying, human existence.
Comments:
Everything Jenny said is true...and very, very repulsive. Here's a question, we've all had our 'bad' nights that end in not remembering exactly what happened and we HOPE for a wee bit of understanding. BUT, when is this not acceptable??? How many nights in a row can you use it. For our swell roommate, apparently the number is greater than three...recollecting my own experiences with blacking out, usually after it happened, I'd be so embarrassed and feel so stupid I wouldn't do it for a long long long time. BUT not my roommate, he likes the exemption to consequence that blacking out brings. Good thing that not showing up at work is also a 'bonus' to blacking out...
Sorry for the long comment, but I get fired up when I get going...now I gotta go wash my hands, something I've taken to doing a lot in this apartment.
 
Jenny, I understand on some level what you are talking about. My senior year in college 3 of my 4 roomies went abroad one semester and left myself and one other room mate with 3 shady subletters. One screamed all nighg during sex with her man of the week, one got the cops called to our house by neighbors because of his loud speakers, and the other was just plain annoying and actually got drunk and wet himself on our couch!!

Ach, living with randoms can be very trying, it seems to take over one's life! I recommend getting out of the situation promptly.
 
Haha! I bet everyone has their sketchy roommate stories. One summer a friend lived with me for a few months. He's a great guy and I still love him, but every day after I would leave for work, he'd secretly go and sleep in my bed all day because it was more comfortable than his air mattress. He never bothered to tell me and the worst part was he has dredlocks that aren't the cleanest things ever. Didn't love that one bit!

Yay for moving out, Jenny!
 
Live alone. One cannot deny the advantages to this living situation. Here are a few:

1. Naked Time
Undeniably, this is the single greatest amenity to living by one's self. Ah, yes...spaghetti o's, re-runs of Matlock, and my my stark, naked, white ass.
2. Freedom to Reign as Manwhore or Slut
With roommates, one runs the risk of ridicule for habitually courting random late night partners. (case-in-point: Stephanie's comment)
3. Guilt-free Shower Urination
One can freely urinate in the shower without apprehension.
 
Not to belabor the point, but I thought I'd add my nightmare scenario. My house from hell was actually with people I know. After I announced I was moving in, all remaining friends didn't think I'd be able to take it for even a semester -- they were exactly right.

--One Halloween, after I had unofficially moved out (but still paying rent), the roomies decided to smash pumpkins on our driveway, backyard, doorstep, inside the house, and so on. After running out of pumpkins they decided they were not done and started smashing eggs around the house. A week later, when I stopped by, the evidence was still there.

--Typical dish washing stuff. I tried to stare down my non-participating roommates by refusing to wash their dishes. "Eventually they have to give in," I thought. Wrong! Their resolve (or rather their apathy) was much stronger than I had thought possible.

--During a party we were throwing, one roommate accidentally sliced his palm through (naturally he was drunk). I was the only one sober and so it fell on me to take him to the hospital. Good thing I did too, cause his injury lasted several months; he sliced that deep.
 
Not to belabor the point, but I thought I'd add my nightmare scenario. My house from hell was actually with people I know. After I announced I was moving in, all remaining friends didn't think I'd be able to take it for even a semester -- they were exactly right.

--One Halloween, after I had unofficially moved out (but still paying rent), the roomies decided to smash pumpkins on our driveway, backyard, doorstep, inside the house, and so on. After running out of pumpkins they decided they were not done and started smashing eggs around the house. A week later, when I stopped by, the evidence was still there.

--Typical dish washing stuff. I tried to stare down my non-participating roommates by refusing to wash their dishes. "Eventually they have to give in," I thought. Wrong! Their resolve (or rather their apathy) was much stronger than I had thought possible.

--During a party we were throwing, one roommate accidentally sliced his palm through (naturally he was drunk). I was the only one sober and so it fell on me to take him to the hospital. Good thing I did too, cause his injury lasted several months; he sliced that deep.
 
I feel your pain Jenny. Two of my roommates now (including one Eddie Stryker from ole Cathedral) are, what I call, "domestically challenged." They do some nasty stuff, naaaaasssttttyyyy. And I had this one roommate, named "hicks are for kids," who was real gross. He would like, beat off to pictures of little boys, then try to give you a high five when you walked into his room and startled him. Perv.
 
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